Fearlessness

If you’re not prepared to be wrong, you’ll never come up with anything original.

Sir Ken Robinson

This statement really struck out to me when I was listening to Sir Ken Robinson talk. (He’s awesome, by the way. Check out his TED talks to learn more about education and creativity.)

As a child, I was terrified of going to the dentist. I would feel stomach pain, throw up and sometimes even pass out. As the years went on and I became an adult, my fear withered away. Afterwards for many years I thought I wasn’t afraid of anything. Snakes, bears, insects, dizzying heights; bring it on. I was skimming the surface, unconsciously making the judgement that fears ought to be external.

After some introspection I realized that for many years I was afraid of being selfish. Whether it was because of the way I grew up, the way my role models were or whether it came out of my own depths – I don’t know. But I do know that being afraid of being selfish (for me) leads to self-carelessness and burnout. Once I got a few slaps in the face from the Universe, I started experiencing the balance between selflessness and selfishness, experimenting with self-care practices and trusting my intuitions. It was hard.

Swami Rama says that all of our fears can be put into two categories: 1) either we are afraid of not achieving/getting something we really want, or 2) we are afraid of losing what we have.

I find myself once more in fear. This time, I’m befriending it. It’s not a big deal. I’m not letting it control my decisions or my feelings. It’s there, and I’m here. I can see it; I can see its tendrils reaching out to me, but my glowing inner light is unaffected. I am in Love. Such pure, profound Love that I am afraid of losing it and the person that enables me to generate such Love. I found something that I never thought existed. But, I am so in Love that if things do ever change, I will stand back and keep generating my Love into the world. That is how you conquer fear.

meditation

Let go. Let go. Let go. Surrender. Your body is heavy as a rock. Sinking into Earth.

Breathe.

Breathe again. Hard.

Let it all out. Let it go. Surrender.

Open your heart. Let it heal. Breathe into its healing. Feel the expansion. The blossoming. The spread of wildflowers blazing.

Breathe in possibilities. Breathe out all that is holding you back. All your limitations.

Breathe. Hard. Love yourself. Feel the expansion in your chest. See the flowers.

See your throat. Breathe in. Know your truth, settle into your truth, let it out HARD.

Open your chest, your throat, yourSelf. Let it heal.

Focus on your third eye. Look within. Witness the beautiful, beautiful jungle inside. It is you. Unfolding with life. Slow. Peaceful. Loving-blossoming.

Feel the breeze against the side of your face. The tingling. Sensation, bringing you deeper, further. See with your mind’s eye. The jungle is there.

The breeze. Bringing you back to the healing. Deeper, further. Feel it piercing through you. Feel every single cell inside and through. Healing. Blooming.

See. See with the omniscient eye inside the layers, past the layers within. The peaceful jungle. Full of slow, timeless life.

Sometimes the breathing stops. You don’t know what or where or how or whatever. But you. Know. This.

Your whole body. Tingling. Exhilarating.

Soaring. Ecstasy.

Feel everything.

Breath underneath your wings.

Surrender, surrender, deeper, deeper.

Implode.

Timelessness.


And explode in a chaos of sensations. Rush to the surface. Wiggle. Try to feel something concrete – material.

Here we are. The floor is there. Your toes are there. Ahhhh, your breath is there.

Roll to one side. Everything is loose. Jelly.

Push weakly up. Are you up? Woah. The world is spinning, even with eyes closed. You want to go back – the jungle, the eye, the tingling, the soaring. It all flashes before you.

You sit. Open. Giving, receiving, existing. Being.

Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. You bow to the divinity. Inside, outside – it doesn’t matter. Being.

‘omniprésence’ by Bee