meditation

Let go. Let go. Let go. Surrender. Your body is heavy as a rock. Sinking into Earth.

Breathe.

Breathe again. Hard.

Let it all out. Let it go. Surrender.

Open your heart. Let it heal. Breathe into its healing. Feel the expansion. The blossoming. The spread of wildflowers blazing.

Breathe in possibilities. Breathe out all that is holding you back. All your limitations.

Breathe. Hard. Love yourself. Feel the expansion in your chest. See the flowers.

See your throat. Breathe in. Know your truth, settle into your truth, let it out HARD.

Open your chest, your throat, yourSelf. Let it heal.

Focus on your third eye. Look within. Witness the beautiful, beautiful jungle inside. It is you. Unfolding with life. Slow. Peaceful. Loving-blossoming.

Feel the breeze against the side of your face. The tingling. Sensation, bringing you deeper, further. See with your mind’s eye. The jungle is there.

The breeze. Bringing you back to the healing. Deeper, further. Feel it piercing through you. Feel every single cell inside and through. Healing. Blooming.

See. See with the omniscient eye inside the layers, past the layers within. The peaceful jungle. Full of slow, timeless life.

Sometimes the breathing stops. You don’t know what or where or how or whatever. But you. Know. This.

Your whole body. Tingling. Exhilarating.

Soaring. Ecstasy.

Feel everything.

Breath underneath your wings.

Surrender, surrender, deeper, deeper.

Implode.

Timelessness.


And explode in a chaos of sensations. Rush to the surface. Wiggle. Try to feel something concrete – material.

Here we are. The floor is there. Your toes are there. Ahhhh, your breath is there.

Roll to one side. Everything is loose. Jelly.

Push weakly up. Are you up? Woah. The world is spinning, even with eyes closed. You want to go back – the jungle, the eye, the tingling, the soaring. It all flashes before you.

You sit. Open. Giving, receiving, existing. Being.

Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. You bow to the divinity. Inside, outside – it doesn’t matter. Being.

‘omniprésence’ by Bee

two weeks

Namaste loves,

There’s something really special about living in one place for a long period of time. I’m talking decades. Watching the seasons unfurl year after year with slight variations. Seeing new types of animals coming in because of the slow-changing climates. Creating long-lasting and heartfelt connections with people around; a community. Settling into a wholesome routine that leaves space for spontaneity. There’s a deep understanding of the land that comes after being part of it for long; as if our cells rearrange themselves with particles from the environment. I have had this profound yearning inside to establish my roots and become part of Nature. I’m growing weary of wandering; I want to bloom alongside a land and its people.

Michael and I have been together for two weeks now… We are working on a business partnership and our brand’s vision, creating this ultimate reality that we are striving for. “Regrowth Industries is a co-creative movement initiated by Knighton & Vaillancourt with the purpose of regenerating the Earth and its communities by fulfilling humanity through mind, body, and spirit.” The main component of our project requires buying desolate land where we could facilitate its regeneration through successional agro-forestry. Later on would come various educational, creative and spiritual enterprises in which people could partake, thus “fulfilling humanity through mind, body, and spirit.” It’s all very exciting.

Throughout this time, I’ve learned a lot about relationships and what being wholeheartedly committed to another human being means. Not only does it require almost flawless belief in oneself, it’s also very essential to have such a complete understanding of yourself and your emotions that you can be absolutely transparent with one another. And it’s hard. Because often our egos get in the way and there’s a fear of communicating a change in mindset or worldview. Sometimes it’s insecurity or even a projection. Then we are uncomfortable because something changed and the energy has changed and we don’t know if the other also noticed. What it comes down to is this: none of that matters. None of it; because all that matters is communicating the perceived change in order to come back to a mutual understanding, and having faith in the fact that whatever happens is exactly what needs to happen. Sigh. Breathe in and out. Being social Beings can sometimes be intense. I can feel my heart chakra blooming.

I am so very grateful to be living in this small isolated cabin. I have been polishing my sketching skills, reading, meditating and writing. I am finding a deepened connection with myself, which feels like drinking water in the desert. There’s never enough time, it seems. I need to delve deeper to uncover rooted behavioral patterns and triggers. I want to; and I am so ready to face them. From the 5th of December until the 16th we will be going to Merritt in British-Colombia to do a meditation course. We will be spending the whole time in silence, learning the teachings of S.N. Goenka that has institutions across the whole world. 

And so it is. 

Keep me in the loop; I want to hear all about you, your own musings and internal conflicts. 

Love and Light,

Bee

My Sensation Paradox

Sometimes I sit in meditation, overwhelmed by an emotion. Usually it stems from my ingrained triggers, the ones that I repeatedly work with in my everyday life. At times I get pieces of insights into those triggers and it’s awesome – a part of them dissolves. There is newfound space. It is that space that enables me to notice the behavioral pattern before reacting to it, thus permitting me to choose an intentional action.

Other times I sit there completely overwhelmed, wanting to scream; to cry; to crawl out of my skin; to smash my face on the floor; or to get up and climb right in to bed to forget the world (and myself). These are the moments where exercing equanimity is most important. To observe the feeling and where it comes from. To resist moving. To detach oneself.

Clearly this is easier said than done. Tonight when I was struggling with emotion I realized that I wasn’t focusing on my bodily sensations, as the Vipassana technique teaches. I was engulfed in my fury. So I brought myself back to my elbow, which is where I was at before the anger started. The tingling sensations associated with my experience of scanning familiarily arose once more and a paradoxical thought came: “oh sensation. I may be a whirlwind of colours and thoughts and emotions; but sensation is always there, tingling away.”

This thought strikes me as comical and paradoxical now – though it wasn’t at the time – certainly because Goenkaji’s teachings are based on the changing nature of mind and matter. He repeatedly emphasizes that everything is constantly changing; arising and passing away; especially sensation. In that moment where I experienced agitation of the mind, sensation seemed permanent to me. A familiar feeling to go back to. To rely on when everything else is chaos. That is part of why I find comfort in meditation.

Involution Part I – a Journey Within

Living a wholesome lifestyle in today’s world is highly challenging. We breathlessly run through packed schedules, convinced that we need to get ahead to survive. Driving in traffic, working long days, driving the kids around, making – often painstakingly trying – to make healthy food decisions and to establish good exercise practices throughout it all. Simultaneously, we are juggling with different types of relationships, inner turmoil, and behavioral patterns that have been ingrained in us since we learned how to walk. Day in, day out we repeat this game, trying to keep our heads above the water and slowly exhausting ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. 

We live in a world of chaos, constantly demanding that we focus on the people and events happening outside of us. We are upset when we don’t hear the alarm in the morning because we stayed out too late the night before, subconsciously drowning out the pain inside with intoxicants. We are upset when our superior suddenly approaches us with unexpected and mind-boggling work, wondering deep inside if this will be the event that pushes us over the edge. We are upset when the kids come back from school with written notes from the professor explaining unaccepted behavior. 

Whatever it is, we are being pulled out of ourselves by this perceived “need” to act upon this external reality of ours. To control it and shape it according to our imaginary conception of what “should” be. Then we are constantly disappointed because we keep failing at it. We keep failing at controlling the outside world, which drains us of our vital energy even more so than the striving to control it. The misery is multiplied, stacked on top of itself. Layer upon layer of intertwined expectations and clinging to imaginary realities and comforts.

For many of us, a day comes when we wonder how we can possibly keep going like this. A small voice deep within screams at us to stop, stop, stop. To breathe for a moment, struggling through the anxiety sitting heavily in our chest. We wonder what we are doing with our lives. Why all these horrible things are happening to us. What we did to deserve it. We cycle through negative thoughts trying to figure it out, not knowing that we are actually moving further away from our answer, slowly spiraling downwards into depression.

At this point, we need to understand the importance of changing something. Clearly, this is not working. We start being more aware of other people that might be feeling the same way. So many of us are. And so many of us are working on trying to find ways to regain our vitality. We realize that those people are tending to themselves holistically, often engaging in community activities, spending more time out in nature, being creative, and or practicing some kind of spirituality. 

This chaotic world of ours is shaped by consumerism held hand-in-hand with money-making systems. We are conditioned from a young age that the answers to all of our questions lie in the external world and that the institutions are there to help us. There comes a point when we understand that at the actual level, these institutions are there to keep us entangled in their systems, pulling us away from ourselves. 

Pulling us away from ourselves – this is the key element missing here. We need to look within. More and more, people from all over the world are turning to meditation to break free from this suffering. Even scientific studies are turning to this ancient practice present in all cultures and civilizations of this world. As rational beings, humans have the natural tendency to search for meaning, provided that our inner wisdom is not completely crushed by this materialistic society. When we hear that small inner voice, screaming for help, it is imperative to listen

When I started practicing meditation, I felt immediate relief. Finally, there was space. I could breathe; a weight that I didn’t even know was there was lifted off my shoulders. I started noticing a difference in my temperament. I became calm, patient and forgiving. I didn’t find myself running breathlessly from one scheduled item to the other; instead, I found myself being fully engaged in what I was doing, feeling my body performing the action and my mind peacefully guiding me. 

My interactions with the people around me changed as well. Again, I found space. I was able to notice when someone’s words or behavior triggered frustration, hurt, or other unwanted emotions before letting them affect me. That way, I could respond to them in a compassionate way, knowing that I am in control of my own inner state of being and that they are only causing themselves harm with wrong speech and or action. 

My practiced deepened more than ever when I took a Vipassana meditation course; a 10-day course that teaches a non-dogmatic technique, open to all types of religions and spiritualities as long as the student is willing to temporarily put their other practices on hold to give full trial to the technique. The whole course is held in silence, which enables one to focus one’s mind like never before. Courses are accessible to everyone and held everywhere in the world. You can visit dhamma.org for more information on the technique, the courses, and nearest centers.

In this world of chaos, there is always an island of inner peace within, readily available. This inner space of light, unconditional love and wisdom provide tremendous strength in times of hardship. This light reminds us of the sacredness of being human and holistically taking care of ourselves. This light reminds us that there is more to this world than it seems. This light reminds us that there is so much more to this life. So, so much.